I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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