I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
