the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I touched a dick in church today
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
