Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
