I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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