WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
