There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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