i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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