i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
