You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
