i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
