Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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