And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
