He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
