ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
