Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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