No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
