i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
