I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
