so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
high people should be assigned attendants
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
