it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
