she was so not down for the gang bang
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
