I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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