Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
