you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
