My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
