I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
