A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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