Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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