somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
