Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
