Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
