My liver just broke up with me...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
