I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
