evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
