return my video game
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
