I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
