That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
