you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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