Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
