Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
