so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
