"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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