I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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