I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
