I wish you could order shots online.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
