and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
