I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I need moral support for this bender
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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