I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
