first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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