I heard we made out
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
