so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
