i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
