opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
